We Need You Here
It’s Pride Month and I’ve been thinking a lot about Zac. I’m so proud of how Zac supported the LGBTQ community through his creative expression and advocacy, both personally and professionally. Zac was an advocate for queer content creators, he wrote about LGBTQ perspectives and themes and spoke out loudly against those who viewed the wave of new LGBTQ content as an assault or moral panic. With the SCOTUS rulings this past week, I can hear his voice saying “Yep, this is where it was all heading”. He followed and was regularly attacked by right wing-Christian-facists who created the conditions for the loss of rights we’re experiencing now.
Many of Zac’s close friends and family were aware that he was bisexual. I think it was in the last 5 years or so of his life that he lived the most openly with his identity. I believe living in Los Angeles, the mid-2000s activism and his relationship with Jacob created the conditions where he could live his most authentic self with a sense of safety. I admit I had a lot of work to do to learn about how sexuality and gender are constructs, and as always, I was slower to figure things out than my brother. I’m grateful to Zac for opening my eyes to the BIG, Beautiful world of identity outside rigid cis, hetero-normative constructs that are imposed on everyone in our culture. Zac also taught me the difference between performative ‘‘ally ship’’ and actually showing up for people, speaking out loudly in support of those who are bullied, marginalized, criminalized and killed for their identities.
Zac was bullied and sexually assaulted in high school and it left deep and lasting scars that he struggled with the rest of his life. Our family did not understand and support him the way that we should’ve. Zac was terrified to claim his bisexual identity and live open in his early adulthood, as so many others are. He coped with the pain through alcoholism and other ways. According to the National Institute on Drug Abuse, gay, lesbian, and bisexual adolescents are 90% more likely to use alcohol and drugs than their heterosexual counterparts. Overall, LGBTQ+ folks are 25% more likely to struggle with alcoholism compared to the hetero population.
It’s really a miracle Zac found a way to live a few years with his true identity. I am forever thankful that we had some time to be friends and siblings as our true selves. I would give anything to have a few more of those years. If you read this and struggle with addiction or self hatred, I hope you know that we need you here. You deserve a life full of love and living as your truest self. The world is a disappointing and terrifying mess right now and the best we can do is show up as we are and scream back at the darkness that wants us back in the box it created for us. Fuck that.
